“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”
-Mother Teresa
Suraj (name changed) has been in therapy for a year now. He’s a mid-level executive in his 30s, married to his college sweetheart, has 2 lovely kids and a great social circle. Yet, he is dissatisfied. He feels unheard in his marriage and disconnected from his friends. He doesn’t like to socialize, as he often has nothing to say in conversations and finds that he cannot ‘vibe’ with anybody.
Ashika (name changed) is only 15, but has quite a presence on social media. She has thousands of followers and friends, but sadly, no one she can talk to. She has no company her age, be it at school or her housing society. She spends most of her free time in meaningless online interactions with strangers, which leave her feeling empty and hollow.
Sunita (name changed) voluntarily checked into an old age home after her husband died. In her 70s now, she remains active and sprightly. Her outward cheer is only a facade though. She misses her old life and her children, who don’t call or visit as often as she’d like. While most of the other residents of the home face a similar problem, she still can’t share her burden with them.
What’s the common thread uniting these people from different generations and walks of life? For a country known for its deep-rooted social fabric and close-knit families, India is facing an unprecedented crisis—an epidemic of loneliness. Millions of Indians are struggling with social isolation and emotional distress. People are increasingly detached from the lives of others around them. Many complain of a lack of connection and intimacy. There’s a perceived sense of isolation in spite of living in such a hyperconnected world.
What exactly is loneliness? It’s more than just “a bad feeling”, as former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy pointed out in a 2023 advisory. Loneliness can be hard to define or understand, because of how subjective it is. Generally, loneliness is viewed as a distressing emotional state that arises when there’s a mismatch between an individual’s desired and actual social connections. It’s characterised by a feeling of isolation or disconnection from others, even in the midst of company. People who are lonely feel empty and unseen. They may lack meaningful relationships and do not have anyone to share their thoughts and feelings with.
Loneliness is different from solitude. Loneliness is involuntary. It’s marked by feeling of isolation despite yearning for social connection. Solitude on the other hand, is voluntary. Some people may prefer to spend time by themselves, and continue to have fulfilling relationships.
Today, loneliness isn’t just an isolated (excuse the pun) phenomenon limited to a few misfits and introverts. Loneliness is not just about physical isolation but also about the quality of social connections. It can affect anyone, from young adults consumed by the digital world and technology, to the elderly citizens who are increasingly cut off from their support systems as nuclear families are on the rise. Loneliness is now a public health concern, both in India and the world at large. A recent Indian study found that 43% of the participants reported loneliness. This figure goes even higher in older adults. In a country of 1.4 billion people, such numbers are cause for alarm.
THE CONSEQUENCES OF LONELINESS
“Loneliness becomes an acid that eats away at you.”
-Haruki Murakami, IQ84
Loneliness is strongly associated with a higher risk of developing or exacerbating mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, insomnia, and low self-esteem. It can also lead to cognitive decline and dementia. And it’s not just psychological effects, loneliness impacts physical health too. It can lead to cardiovascular problems, a weakened immune system, and increased risk of diabetes and obesity. Loneliness can be contagious too- as an individual withdraws from their family and friends, those contacts lose their connect with that individual too, resulting in a decrease in their social circle as well.
CAUSES OF LONELINESS
“All the lonely people/ Where do they all come from? / All the lonely people/ Where do they all belong?”.
-The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby
In Western societies, the decline of social capital has been documented since at least the 1990s. A similar situation has unfolded in India as well. While we have prided ourselves on our well-established cultural fabric, deep social cohesion and ingrained family values, the truth is that these have not been able to thwart the insidious advent of loneliness and social isolation. Several factors have contributed to the rise of the loneliness epidemic in India.
As more and more people move to larger cities from their rural origins, they leave their families behind. Traditional joint families are being replaced by nuclear households, leaving many, especially the elderly forsaken and lonely. In cities, busy work schedules, long commutes, absence of like-minded company, language barriers further erode social interactions, making meaningful relationships harder to maintain.
Digital and “social” media have only served to erode relationships instead of bringing people together. As more people, mostly young adults and teenagers spend more time online, they neglect real-life relationships. Being immersed in the virtual world also affects self-esteem and real-life social skills.
Today’s fast-paced hustle culture, particularly in metropolitan cities, leaves little time for socialization and relationships. Long working hours, high-pressure environments, and remote work setups have blurred the lines between personal and professional lives, leading to an increased sense of isolation and disconnect.
Loneliness can also be a symptom of an underlying psychiatric disorder, such as depression or anxiety. Depression may cause people to withdraw from the world around them. People suffering from anxiety disorders may be fearful of social interactions and end up avoiding them. Prevailing stigma and prejudice against mental illness may prevent these people form seeking or availing help as well.
The COVID pandemic of 2020 caught everyone unawares. Not only did it cause an unprecedented global health crisis, it also precipitated the already existing loneliness pandemic. As strict lockdowns were imposed in one country after another, people were forced to isolate and segregate themselves for months at a time. Mobility and socialisation were greatly curtailed. People were cut off from friends and loved ones. There was a sharp spike in rates of mental illness and loneliness after the pandemic.
LONELINESS AMONG DOCTORS: A GROWING CONCERN
I walk a lonely road/The only one that I have ever known/Don’t know where it goes/But it’s home to me, and I walk alone.
-Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Physicians are considered care givers. They nurture the sick, provide solace to the dying. Most physicians work in bustling environments, surrounded by staff and patients. Yet, most doctors find themselves lonely and emotionally unsupported and isolated. Why is it that a profession that is considered gratifying and rich in social connections is fraught with a crisis of profound loneliness?
Many doctors are simply overworked. Long work hours, night shifts, emergency duties stretching into weekends- all leave little time for personal relationships and a social life.
Medical professionals in India are trained to be stoic and suppress their emotions in the interest of patient care. While this leads to more professional attitudes, it also discourages vulnerability, preventing doctors from expressing emotional distress.
Doctors experience emotional burnout with repeated exposure to suffering, trauma and death. As with lay persons, mental health stigma poses a barrier for doctors too. Many doctors hesitate to seek help for fear of being seen as weak or professionally compromised.
And so, they continue to suffer alone.
What can be done to improve the professional lives of and working environments for doctors? Remedial steps should begin with medical training itself, which should include emotional literacy programs and focus on holistic growth and learning for students. Creating informal peer support circles, mentorship programs, and open fora within medical colleges and hospitals can help doctors share their experiences and feel less alone. Institutions should create safe spaces with therapy services tailored specifically for medical personnel. At the administrative level, attempts can be made to reduce working hours, restore work life balance and create recreational spaces for doctors to unwind and reconnect socially.
COMBATING LONELINESS
…. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring…
-JRR Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Many individuals struggle to find meaning in their lives and form fulfilling relationships with those around them in today’s fast-paced world. Common sense would dictate that the way to overcome loneliness is to simply go out there and socialize, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Neither is it impossible.
Having close friends, even a few, goes a long way in overcoming loneliness. Real life interactions are always better than virtual ones, and can help boost people’s sense of well-being.
Strengthening pre-existing relationships and family ties can help people feel less lonely. This can be done by staying in regular contact with loved ones, making an effort to reach out to people who we haven’t been in touch with or planning activities with existing social contacts.
Engaging in community or social service, or joining a class, or taking up a hobby with like-minded people is a great way to combat loneliness. It also gives individuals a sense of purpose and belonging when they find acceptance within a larger group
While technology and gadgets have become an integral part of our lives today, reducing our dependence on them is also crucial. Digital detox hours, device-free zones in the house or office, emphasising face-to-face interactions, and using social media responsibly can help reduce loneliness.
Self-care is crucial to fostering a positive self-image. Living a holistic lifestyle, with healthy eating habits, adequate sleep and regular physical activity ensures physical and mental well-being.
CREATING A MORE CONNECTED WORLD
Human beings can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. It is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings.”
-Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
The prevailing loneliness epidemic is a growing concern that requires urgent attention. It is multifactorial in its origins, with societal changes, rampant proliferation of technology and rise in mental illness all contributing to this crisis. Proactive measures at individual, family, community, and policy levels can help lessen its impact. By fostering meaningful connections and prioritizing emotional well-being, we can rebuild our lost sense of togetherness and ensure a healthier, more connected future for ourselves and the future generations.
