MARRIAGE…..a dying institution? -A global and an Indian perspective.
Marriage is defined as a social institution which is a formalized union between two people. Anthropologically marriage is considered a sacred union of two individuals. In India, we further consider it not only as union of two individuals but their entire family, culture and religion. This sort of holy matrimony ensures overall growth of the couple through participation in each other’s traditions, family and friends. Globally, the ultimate goal of two people in a relationship is to get married and have a family of their own. We are social beings and we always need someone to sail through life with. And who better than your significant other!
Marriage comes with not only the benefits of lifetime partnership but also children, constant emotional support, social acceptance and the ability to raise a family in more efficient and economical manner. It is more convenient than cohabitation which is regarded a taboo in countries like Nepal, Saudi Arabia, Maldives, Sudan, etc. On the contrary, it is completely socially acceptable in Canada, Netherlands, Quebec, United states, Norway, Australia, etc. where laws give cohabitating unmarried couples equal rights to that of a legally married couple.
In India the legal position of live-in relationships is changing. The Supreme Court of India recognizes the legal status of live-in relationships, considering them on par with marriage based on the following factors:
duration, age, sexual relationship, financial and social arrangement, intention, conduct and socialization. Women in a live-in relationship are also protected against domestic violence under Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005.
A fraction of population believes that cohabitation reduces the risk of divorce, but it is not true. Making a marriage work is a choice. Since the accessibility, awareness and ‘trend’ of getting divorced has increased, an increased number of couples are opting for it.
Though divorce for some individual who suffer from domestic violence or having an unfit partner is a blessing, for others it is just an excuse to not work on their relationships. The child born to a cohabiting couple may be at the risk of not being accepted socially. He/she may also be susceptible to an identity crisis, fear of abandonment, etc. Unmarried couples in many countries are not eligible for adoption, and miss out on various benefits, social security schemes, because of mere absence of legal union.
Discussing the topic further, I learned about the difference of opinion about marriage among different generations. The generation of boomers, gen Y, Gen X and even a major fraction of millennials believe in the institution of marriage as it makes an individual complete, and is an integral part of one’s life cycle. According to Hinduism, there are 4
stages of life: brahmachari, grahashta, vanprastha, sanyasa. Brahmacharya indicates the student and celibate stage, grahashta is a householder, vanprastha is transitional, explicating solitude, and sanyasa denotes abandonment of worldly ties; renunciation. As Leo Lourdes said , “the universe is filled with fertility and is cyclical, and all elements are in state of constant change and evolution.” One must complete the stages of life to experience everything the society has to offer.
On the contrary, the younger generation believes the opposite. According to them the concept of marriage has atrophied. They think it is an undue responsibility. Since there is an increase in the notion of a partnership becoming more casual and fluctuating these days, the idea of commitment seems like a long haul. In rural India , marriage is also associated land’ cultural exchange which helps in exchange of resources. Marriage is also associated with negatives of dowry, domestic violence, child marriage, etc. It often is an obstacle for a female wanting to an pursue education and career. In our country society still expects the women to take the responsibility of domestic chores regardless of whether she has a job or not. This reality has pivoted young women’s opinion about marriage leading them to choose career over marriage which is a fair choice. But a changed societal conception, a ‘woke’ partner, and equal distribution of domestic load will bring a great difference in modern women’s life.
As a society we need to be flexible and not adhere to traditional gender roles. We need to teach both our sons and daughters that violence is not an option in any relationship and one must respect the partner and not treat them like a possession. The relation between profession and marriage also is a noteworthy. Profession matters in a matrimony as it determines the individuals working hours and overall health. Despite the long working hours and the demanding nature of the field, marriage for healthcare workers, physicians, and surgeons is integral. It gives one a life outside of a career. The field is such that it makes an individual be empathetic, surrounded by suffering and death. To tune out of this a person needs to realize that there is more to life than their profession, and there is nothing better than marriage as an anchor and distraction.
In their late 20s and early 30s’ doctors do choose to get married. According to a survey 86.5 % have been married and the rate of first marriage ending is 14.7%. Marrying outside their profession is fairly common in non-medic profession, but most healthcare professionals choose to marry someone from their own field. This is due to long work hours, and having someone who understands the nature of their work.
The journey of marriage starts with a ceremony, particular to one’s cultural and religion. People believe a wedding ceremony leads to overconsumption, but that is not always the case. One can choose environment friendly options like using natural decorations, avoiding plastic usage, food donation, recyclable invitations, etc and make an active effort to be environmentally conscious.
Above all, we need a balance of sweet and sour in life. Only then we truly live a full life. Marriage enables stability. It gives us a person we can come home to at the end of the day. As late Ratan Tata said, ‘‘ If you want to walk fast, walk alone. But if you want to walk far, walk together.’’
My conclusion would be, even though we live in the internet influenced, philistine 21st century, we as a species need the concept of marriage to live a wholesome life and it is definitely not a dying institution.