I kid you not: Do couples not want to have children?

Children are the world’s most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.

John F Kennedy

Children are a ray of hope for some, while chaos for a few. Birthing children is an intimate choice for the couple. A recent article highlighted that only 17.8% married couples had children under the age of 18 years. Couples world-wide are choosing to not birth children. As an Obstetrician and Gynecologist, I come across couples ranging from desperately wanting to have a child to some who don’t want children at all. We as a community, have been taught, that a child completes you. A couple is fighting? Plan a baby! But there is a slow shift in the ideals of the newer generation and, they after much thought, have come to a conscious decision to remain childless.

Now it got me thinking, what has changed over the years? Our society is become more liberal not only morally but also economically. But at the same time, we as a society have become violent, surrounded by an environmental crisis, living in a dying ecosystem.

Let’s look at a few reasons why couples choose to be childfree:

Just don’t like children enough: Is one of the common reason couples cite to want to remain childfree. They just don’t like little humans. Fair enough?
Past traumas: Adults who have had traumatic childhood may also not want to have children. Abuse, mental as well as physical, along with mental health issues might influence the way adults think.
Career: The number of women working and aiming to have a successful career is also increasing. There is a shift, where the man of the house helps in the household chores, taking care of the baby, but women, still do feel that having a baby, does mainly change their life path. Their career might have to be on hold or they might be fearful of discrimination at their workplace
Responsibility: Children are a major responsibility, at least till they are 18. Babies need parents mentally and physically till they can survive independently. After that comes school and college and their innumerable exams and projects. Parenthood is a job with no retirement!

Resources: Children are expensive! Right from the cost of birthing them to their nappies, clothes, toys, education, recreation, it takes a financial investment.
Health: Fertility rates are dwindling globally. This could be due to late marriage, later age of planning a baby, other gynecological problems. Women suffer from issues like endometriosis, which is not only severely painful, but also causes subfertility. Premature ovarian failure, fibroids, severe uterine infections, congenital uterine anomalies are a few other reasons for subfertility in women. Male infertility is also around 50% and can be due to environmental, lifestyle, medical, surgical or congenital problems.
Genetic conditions: Some couples suffer from genetic conditions which they do not wish to pass on to further generations. Agreed, assisted reproductive technologies aid in curbing this through pre-implantation genetic testing, some couples still would choose not to have babies.

Take the example of South Korea. South Korea is one of the developed countries having the lowest birth rate. According to an article by BBC, the birth rate in South Korean has fallen by 8% in 2023. They are looking at a national emergency with the government offering incentives to have children.

Anti-natalism is a term coined to explain the act of being childfree. Childfree India is an organization that supports individuals who decide to not have children. What is crucial is to take an educated decision and stick to it. There are many orphaned children in this world. Some couples might choose to help nurture such children and help them lie a better life. In our society, where children are born in to meagre households, in fractured families also struggle to live their best life.

But you might ask me, do these couples ever regret? Regret is a subjective emotion, and some couples might be regretful at a later time in their lives. Life has a dynamic course and humans tend to change their thinking and actions to adapt. Couples who have crossed their reproductive age, have a good option of adoption. Adoption, not only makes them parents, but also gives love and a home to orphan children.

Again, pregnancy and children are personal questions. I want to have children someday; this is the choice my partner and I have taken. Some don’t want to. And that’s completely okay. Avoiding criticism of others decisions is important and each has their own story and narrative. Ever one has their own dream and goals. Supporting each other as humans, and being kind is what is needed today.

Having children may or may not be your cup of tea, but relationships be it blood or not should be fulfilling. Children do help us complete the circle of life, because what we take from our parents we give back to the world, through the little humans we create. But you don’t want to have children? That’s supercool too? No judgement, ever!