My major grouse against modernity, smartphones, and apps is that they have taken the fun out of movie viewing. Because of today’s boring convenience, we’ve forgotten the art, science, and pleasure of inconvenience. In the past, one had to select a movie from the movie page on a Sunday, travel by bus, scooter, or cycle to the movie hall well in advance, and then stand at the counter to buy tickets. There was no guarantee as to which seats would be available. The inconvenience of standing, sometimes for a few hours, would simply vanish when the ticket counter announced ‘houseful’ just after we had purchased the tickets. Ah, the joy of observing the crowds behind us. Of course, quite a few times, the houseful board went up before our turn came, leaving us furious at the joy of the people who got the tickets. The solutions to long and disorderly queues were imaginative and wide-ranging across the country. There was this legend, a friend of a friend, who would remove his shirt, apply a smelly oil to his naked torso from trousers above, and then effortlessly navigate his way to the ticket counter through the thronging crowds, which readily parted to make room.
The present generation, unfortunately, has no clue about such pleasures and the sweet disappointments (retrospectively however). However, the greatest joy we derived as moviegoers was to stand just outside the exit gate and ask the audiences coming out as to how the picture fared. The reviews enhanced our excitement and anticipation for the movie. Sometimes, we found ourselves in a miserable mood due to negative reviews. However, such instances were rare. “The songs are good,” one would say. “The direction is loose,” another would say. “The hero could not act,” “the female lead heroine exudes class,” “the new hero lacks potential,” “the villain is a waste,” “the production values are subpar,” and so on. Instant reviews from the horse’s mouth just after they have sipped the water. Today, one need not physically be present at the exit gate to obtain fresh reviews. During the first hour of the first show on the first day, thousands of reviews flood the internet, covering every aspect of the movie, including a minute-by-minute account of the story.
Anyway, our favourite activity—standing outside the exit gate—had another vicious purpose in some special theatres. In the city where I did my college studies, there was a renowned theatre that exclusively screened English-language films. However, the hall owner used to play “special” morning single shows. In an attempt to increase revenues, the hall owner played movies in various Indian languages, randomly inserting “dirty” clips, particularly from Western movies, at various points in the movie. The special scenes and attractive titles on the outside posters drew the audiences, who were neither able nor cared to understand the language of the movie. At times, this approach even extended to classic movies in other languages.
A Malayali friend experienced a heart attack when a classic movie with the word “sarpam” in the title, which refers to snakes, was simply but radically transformed into “sexy snakes” on the posters. One of our vicious pleasures in our dreary medical life was to stand outside the exit gate just when the shady morning show would end before the start of the regular shows. Many of our friends found immense enjoyment in asking people about their movie experience. The sight of audiences hurrying out with a sense of shame and embarrassment, their eyes looking downward, their faces hidden, and their quick gait as they hastily exited the theatre was indeed a pathetic yet glorious chapter in our lives.
Of course, such events are not possible in today’s world. From an early age, children easily access such content through simple finger swipes on their smartphones, which their indulgent parents generously gift to them. One author laments that smartphone-based childhood has supplanted play-based childhood. Parents are strictly monitoring their children’s real world while in complete ignorance of their children’s virtual world. I am digressing, but that is another scary aspect of the modern world.
During one such encounter outside the exit gate, we witnessed one of our lecturers emerge. He saw us and registered a shock on his face that remains etched into our minds even after so many decades. For the remainder of the semester, the poor lecturer faced numerous challenges as we entered the classroom with an all-knowing, gentle, yet crooked smile on our lips. Another time, one of my more adventurous classmates, who was quite fond of these movies himself, went to the show and, when the lights came on, discovered his gentle, elderly neighbour in the front seat.
Anyway, the joys of moviegoing from the past are no longer with us. The modern world has rendered movie activities such as waiting at the ticket counter, obtaining tickets with difficulty, watching movie trailers before the main movie, booing at boring news trailers, throwing paper confetti instead of money at hit songs, and whistling at “solid dialogues” obsolete. Everyone seems to be too classy at the multiplexes, which makes any such behaviour crass and ugly. At the highest level, movies and audiences are currently undergoing a severe paradigm shift too, as there is no need for separate villains and vamps. Our lead heroes and heroines of the present have made them obsolete too. Sigh!
